do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
