i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
