Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
