i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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