Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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