I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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