woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize