I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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