Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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