the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
