Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
