Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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