True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Watching her eat just hurts me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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