I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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