is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
