I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
