i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
