Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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