I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
