Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
