I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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