Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you had me at cake vodka
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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