worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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