dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
