I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
