Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
