All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
