In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
