I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
