our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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