I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
