if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize