we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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