If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
