i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
