Yo dont text me then not text me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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