You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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