I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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