I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
