When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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