Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
