Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
