I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
