if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
