Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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