you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
