I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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