I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
