I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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