Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
