It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
