3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
