no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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