Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I deserve this hangover.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
