all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
