no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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