I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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