To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
