Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up under a house in Key West
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
