I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
