Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
