Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
